Bingo Book
by Tinkiegrrl
Summary: i was just wondering what Team 7's Bingo book entries would say, if they ever wound up in one. As the villages would only put rogue ninja in them now that they're allied to each other, I decided the bad guys would make one up regarding ninja from the villages. This was typed up in a couple hours, so apologies on grammar and spelling.


Sakura sighed as she trailed behind Sai and Naruto. They were bickering again, like they had been doing for the whole mission but she couldn't really blame them this time. This mission had to be the most boring mission they had in years. The enemy surrendered on sight, immediately, without any of them having to say a word let alone lift a finger or weave a sign. Right now they were leading a long trail of captives back to Konoha for questioning. Captives who seemed resigned to their fates. Captives who showed no hint of running at all. Hell, Sakura was supposed to be at the BACK of that line to keep an eye on them, but there didn't seem to be a reason to do that. They stopped keeping an eye on any of them 10 hours ago, and STILL, every rogue, enemy ninja in the trail was accounted for. It was unheard of. It was flabbergasting. It was boring.

"Lemme see the book already bastard!" Naruto's voice rose, and Sakura could see some of the enemy ninja in the group shake in fear. Eyeing the prisoners she was closest to only seamed to result in more shaking and paler faces. "Come on Sai! Hand it over!" There... More shaking, more fear. Sakura was getting really curious now. For all that Team 7 was known for, killing wasn't one of them. At least, as long as Sasuke wasn't with them. He wasn't, so why the fear?

"Why should I give it to you Dickless? Can you even read?" Sai drawled with his usual impassive face. "Besides, I believe you can get your own. Just ask one of the other prisoners. They probably all have one. That's why this mission was so easy."

Turning to the nearest terrified prisoner, Sakura held out her hand with a smile that only seems to make the prisoner hunch over into a terrified ball. "May I please have a copy of this book they're talking about up there?" Up ahead, she could hear Naruto sputter in indigent rage while Sai continued to read and ignore him. "If you can procure me two books, I'd appreciate it. Unless you'd rather Naruto come back here to ask for hims..."

"HERE! Here's my copy!" With a quick summoning jutsu, the book popped into existence. "I... I can get you another copy, no sweat!" With that, the prisoner quickly turned to another, who produced the same book, seemingly out of thin air. "Here you go Ma'am! Please don't hurt us!"

Sakura took the books with a raised eyebrow. This was entirely too weird, even by her standards. They were apparently competent ninja, able to hide things away even after being searched. They still had access to enough chakra for summoning jutsu's. They weren't tied up. If Kakashi saw this, he may be bothered enough to find someone willing to give them a lecture on safely transporting prisoners. Probably Shikamaru, the poor schmuck... Still, none of them even tried to escape. Hopefully the answer was in this book they all carried. Reading the title, Sakura's eyebrow raised higher. "It's a BINGO book?"

With a flash of orange that resulted in one nearby prisoner fainting, Naruto suddenly appeared at Sakura's side. "No fair! You got TWO?! Gimme one Sakura! Sai won't let me read my entry!"

"Relax Naruto. I got two because I knew you'd want one. Here. Don't be disappointed if you don't find yourself in it though. You aren't a rogue ninja. With the villages at peace now, only rogue ninja make it into the bingo books." Sakura explained as she handed Naruto his copy, then flipped through a few pages of hers. "Hey... wait a minute... What the hell are Kage doing in this thing?"

"Cuz it's not a normal Bingo book Sakura. It's totally cooler cuz we're in it! It's what the rogue ninja carry around to stay one top of powerful ninja from the villages. Sai says all of Team 7 is in it, but he wouldn't let me see. Wouldn't even give me my ranking, ya know? I better be S rank. My dad was S rank..." Sakura watched as her excited teammate flipped quickly through the pages of his book. When he found what he was looking for he nearly crowed in delight. "S rank! I'm S rank! Woo Hoo! Eat THAT Sasuke!" Suddenly, Naruto's face fell as he kept reading. "Huh? What are these little plus signs by the S? And what's with this order? Isn't S rank supposed to be flee on sight?"

Curious, Sakura flipped to the U section of the bingo book in search of Naruto's entry. An unusual ranking and orders wouldn't be _unusual_ when it came to the men in her life after all. Sure enough, Naruto's entry was not the typical S ranked bingo book entry.

Naruto Uzimaki

Ranking: S+++

aka: Konoha's #1 Unpredictable, Hyperactive Ninja, The Child of Prophecy, World Savior

Village: Konoha

Known Relations: Minato Namikazi aka the Forth Hokage, and the Yellow flash (decesased). Kushina Uzimaki aka the Red Hot Habenaro, former junchiriki of the Nine Tail fox (deceased)

Known allies and affiliates: Team 7 aka Team Overkill (Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, Sai, Kakashi Hatake), Gaara of the Sand, Killer B

Nature affinity: Wind

Proficient in the following: Water, fire, earth, lightening, yang, ying, sage

Known Jutsu: Rasengan - A rank, Shadow clones A rank, Rasenshuriken S rank, Sage mode S + rank, Beast Bomb S+++ rank, Tailed Beast Chakra mode S+++ rank, Six Paths mode - too dangerous and powerful to define. Too many to list. Think of all the jinchuriki. He can do EVERYTHING they could do.

Orders: hahahahaha! This man is a reincarnated demi god who can conceivably take on the Allied Shinobi Forces and come out on top. There are no orders for something like that. We don't even having a proper ranking category for something like him. The best we could come up with were the plus signs. You're done. It doesn't matter who you are, how many are with you, and what your plans entail. You won't even have time to commit suicide unless he allows it, never mind fighting or fleeing. You are the very definition of done, and your plans will be known to Konoha.

"Well, I guess that's why they surrendered..." Sakura said as she looked towards the prisoners. "With information like this on you, the best thing for them to do is try their luck with the interrogation team back home. You've got yourself to thank for your boredom on this mission."

"What do you mean I have myself to thank? Your entry isn't much better you know." Naruto swung his book into her face, where it was opened to Sakura's entry.

Sakura Haruno

Ranking: S++

aka: Tsunadi #2

Village: Konoha

Known Relations: Civilian parents

Known allies and affiliates: Team 7 aka Team Overkill (Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzimaki, Sai, Kakashi Hatake)

Nature affinity: Water

Proficient in the following: earth, ying yang

Known Jutsu: chakra enhanced strength A rank, creation rebirth S+ rank, Immense healing network S+ rank, Mystical Palm S rank medical, Strength of a Hundred seal S++ rank, resistant to genjutsu

Orders: She is not a demi god but she may as well be. A typical S rank is not appropriate for her or any Team 7 member. There is no ranking to define her save to say she's just under demi god like powers. You may get a few good hits in on her, but we promise you she will hit you back harder even after you think she should be dead. Her healing ability is so great that she is essentially immortal. We don't have orders for how to deal with her, but we do recommend this. Be polite. She has short fuse, can bring you to the brink of death, revive you, and bring you back to the brink again. Do Not Anger Her.

"See! They said be polite cuz of YOU. And you can't get more polite then surrender without a fight, ya know? This is totally YOUR fault Sakura!" Naruto exclaimed as he waved a finger in her face. "You and that temper..."

"Do you really want to finish that Naruto?" Sakura said as she cracked her knuckles, making him, the demi god, shrink away from her. "That's what I thought. Now, lets see what they say about Sasuke, shall we?" She knew that if anyone's entry could make her feel better about her temper, it would need to be Sasuke's Unfortunately, it was both better and worse then she thought.

Sasuke Uchiha

Ranking: S+++

aka: We refuse to answer

Village: We refuse to answer

Known Relations: We refuse to answer

Known allies and affiliates: We refuse to answer

Nature affinity: We refuse to answer

Proficient in the following: We refuse to answer

Known Jutsu: We refuse to answer

Orders: We refuse to answer. What would you like on your gravestone if we find a piece of you?

"Not fair! How come they're so afraid of him?! I BEAT him during our last fight!" Naruto whined. "They're so scared they wouldn't put any intel down for him!"

"Have you ever killed in cold blood Naruto? No? Well, that's probably why. You need to understand that Sasuke has been doing black op work since the war. He'd make it his business that there's as little information about him as possible out there." Sakura didn't like to think about exactly how he pulled such a thing off. It was likely to give her nightmares.

"I guess so... He's got the same S+++ ranking as me so he at least didn't top me there." Naruto conceded, though he didn't look happy. "Hey. I wonder what they day about Kakashi!" Like a switch had been flipped, Naruto was back to being his usual, happy self as he searched for Kakashi's entry.

Kakashi Hatake

Ranking: S+?

aka: Kakashi of the Sharingan, the Copy Ninja, the 6th Hokage

Village: Konoha

Known Relations: Sakumo Hatake aka The White Fang (deceased)

Known allies and affiliates: Team 7 aka Team Overkill (Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzimaki, Sai, Sakura Haruno)

Nature affinity: Lightening

Proficient in the following: Water, Earth, Fire, Wind, Yin, Yang

Known Jutsu: Over 1000. If you can think it, he likely knows it even if he no longer possesses a sharingan to copy more.

Orders: We are reluctant to try and rank him. This means there are no orders. Like all other members of Team 7, an S ranking is not adequate. This is the man that lead Team Overkill. This is the man that trained up 2 demi gods. He may no longer have a Sharingan, he may have been no more then an S ranked ninja in previous Bingo books, but Naruto Uzimaki and Sakura Haruno call this man Sensei. You are unlikely to run into him unless you are fool enough to attack the village that produced these monsters, but if you do, understand that those monsters will be after you if Kakashi doesn't take you out himself, which we suspect he can.

"Hmm... Looks like he got upgraded by affiliation." Sakura said with a smile. She felt somewhat proud that she had an extra plus sign than Kakashi, but she had to admit that even she didn't know how she'd fare in a spar with him right now. "Hey, Naruto? Have you sparred with Kakashi lately?"

"Pshhh... Like he's got time... Between the paperwork and those porn books, he refuses to train with me! All he does is shove half his paperwork to ME to do ya know?"

"Oh well. They're right anyway. If anything happened to Kakashi, we'd go after them, right?"

"Of course we will ya know! We would need to beat Sasuke there if we wanted a piece of em though. Bastard wouldn't leave a scrap behind, and then I'd have to go beat his ass again."

"Right.. Well, we don't need you two changing the face of the planet again. We just got done remaking the maps after the war and your battle in the Final Valley. Let's look up Sai next." Sakura flipped through the pages towards S. If Sai had a last name, no one knew it.

Sai

Ranking: S+

aka: Unknown - we suspect he's black ops

Village: Konoha

Known Relations: Unkown

Known allies and affiliates: Team 7 aka Team overkill (Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzimaki, Sakura Haruno, Kakashi Hatake)

Nature affinity: unknown

Proficient in the following: Water, Earth, Fire, Yang

Known Jutsu: Super Beast scroll, Assassination Technique, Ink clones Ranks unknown

Orders: While only a substitution member of Team 7, the fact that he IS a substitution member makes the usual S rank orders inadequate. Still, you've lucked out if he is the member you run into, and he's alone. We recommend you flee if he's alone. We don't think you'll make it, but you may have a shot. If he is not alone we recommend you treat him as you would any other member of Team 7. Should you manage to take him down, we recommend immediate suicide before any other member of Team 7 finds you.

"Why suicide? The only one who'd kill em is Sasuke and I'd find em first ya know!"

"There are things worse then death." Sakura felt the need to point out. The things a medical expert like herself could think up for example. She was fairly sure she could get anyone in Konoha's interrogation team, or prison team to let her into any prison cell to do anything she wanted. Especially since she'd leave them alive enough to wish for death if they hurt ANY of her boys.

"We are near to Konoha Ugly. Shouldn't we make these prisoners look like prisoners now? Security won't be pleased if we bring them in like this."

"What did you just call me Sai?!" Looks like she gets to practice those techniques on Sai right now. Who knows? Maybe she can earn herself another plus sign doing it in front of all these people. "Watch closely prisoners."


End file.
